I am currently listening to a collection of old music recordings I found on my computer. What an awesome experience to put so much passion into something with your friends, completely forget about it, and then stumble upon it years later and still be able to hear the passion in it. I really love that.
I arrived home on Monday night at 7pm.
Today was Thanksgiving. We ate and made small talk. I'm missing my gap year family. I'm feeling the pull back to Paonia and gap year life already. I'm ready to get out and find a new community here, and find meaningful work in the meantime.
Milla is here with me. I feel a sense of safety in having her here. She reminds me there is a community of people who believe in me, and that I can make things happen for myself that I never truly believed I could.
I'm planning out this whole Winternship business. I'm thinking of adding in some travel along with working. I hope to visit friends and meet new people. For work I'm thinking either a bakery, ice cream shop, or whole foods!
I've been enjoying myself these past few days. Things have been challenging for sure, but in a really surprisingly good way. Our group did a 3 day water fast this past Monday, Tuesday and Wednesday.
We had a light breakfast Monday morning, and broke the fast with a light intentional meal on Wednesday at 4:00pm. Tuesday we had a day of silence from sunset to sundown.
During this fast we had several different people from the community come to our place and teach us about their practices which included yoga, meditation, music, and lifestyle.
Being a part of these practices made me feel a sense of spirituality that I've never felt before. I'm really happy I was able to get into a headspace that allowed me to feel that. At the beginning I had a lot of reservations about fasting. I was worried it wasn't healthy, and that I would be putting myself in harms way. After doing more research I discovered this wasn't necessarily the case. I feel like putting aside the thoughts of food helped me to get in touch with myself on a deeper level than I'd previously experienced. I was trusting my body in a way that felt scary, but I had a sense of knowing I would be okay, which felt powerful. I really enjoyed the meditation practices. I felt a sense of contentment that felt like a relief to me. Overall I'm really happy I participated in it.
I am currently sitting outside the Paonia Public Library, it is 49 degrees, cloudy, and has been raining on and off for most of the day. This morning I made scones on kitchen crew which turned out to be very delicious.
Despite the yummy scones, I am feeling anxious. I'm wishing I had a warm shower to help ease my mind. I didn't sleep well last night, despite our 4 person cuddle puddle in my bed. I wish I had a button to shut off my brain so I could relax when I'm feeling anxious. I have been sick the past few days. It started as a sore throat and has evolved into a cough/stuffy nose. This is making my anxiety worse because the cough make me feel like I can't breathe. I hope to feel back to myself again soon.
On a happier note, today Dev and Marian are getting married! Last night Journey, Milla, Hero, Chris, and I all worked on a song that we plan to sing to them at the potluck tonight. It's arranged on uke, and has a combination of comedy and sincerity. I think they'll love it.
Milla von Tauber
22 year old food lover, music maker, voice actress, baker, and adventurer.